


Fire

by Andromakhe



Series: Fated Attraction [6]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Betrayal of Trust, Bickering, F/M, Forgiveness, Gen, Healing, Heartache, Intimacy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromakhe/pseuds/Andromakhe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan fails to resist temptation. Asajj fails to convince herself she doesn't care. But two wrongs can still make a right. Ties into "Fated Attraction," but works alone. Inspired by P!nk's "Just Give Me A Reason," Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up," and Pointer Sisters' "Fire" and "Slow Hand."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seduction

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been floating around in my mind for a while now, but it takes time for my thoughts to coalesce into a story and even longer for the story to clamor loudly enough that it has to get written. Familiar characters are somewhat OOC, but I suppose that’s to be expected in a romance.

Obi-Wan and Asajj strolled along beside a stream that wound through the canyons near her home, enjoying the cool night air and quiet companionship. His hand brushed hers briefly and she quirked a half-smile at him before taking it gently.

"It’s been a while since I felt so…relaxed, I guess," Obi-Wan murmured softly. "What with the Clone Wars, change in government, and even Anakin’s turbulent apprenticeship, there’s been precious little opportunity to just enjoy the scenery." He looked over at Asajj, then up at the starry sky and the rugged canyon walls. 

Ventress squeezed his hand and made a neutral sort of noise. "I can’t relax. It’s easy to think we’re safe here, but I only think that would give enemies an opening. But then, I was born to combat and danger. You were trained to fight, but had security."

"Had security. Yes." Obi-Wan sighed dejectedly.

Asajj stopped and pulled Obi-Wan against her, kissing him on the mouth deeply. "But I don’t sense any danger at the moment. Why don’t we head to a bar, have a few drinks? We can dance, have some fun."

Obi-Wan returned both the embrace and the kiss with gentleness and love and drew back smiling. "It’s always nice to have an excuse to be close to you."

After picking up some money for their outing, they hopped in Asajj’s landspeeder and made their way to a small, friendly-looking place. Since they’d already had dinner, they ordered a few beers and popcorn and peanuts. They watched some of the intoxicated patrons dance and sing at the microphone, with the song lyrics scrolling on a monitor.

"Hey, I bet we can do better than that," Asajj growled, smirking.

"No, no, no." Obi-Wan shook his head emphatically. "You’re not getting me up there in front of all those people." 

"Come on, my dear. You can’t tell me you’re afraid of the attention."

"I…No, I can’t. But I still don’t like it."

"I’ve heard you sing. It’d be a shame not to share that."

"That wasn’t singing. The song just came on the radio."

"Right. And that’s why you were looking at me so meaningfully while singing it."

"Um…" Obi-Wan actually blushed and found he had no ready comeback.

"So we’re going?" chuckled Asajj.

"You’ve almost convinced me. Maybe if you bought me a cocktail…" He winked and grinned.

"Done, darling." She waved a server over and requested a Jawa juice for herself and rum and soda for Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan looked horrified, as in, "What have I gotten myself into?"

Asajj laughed huskily and patted his forearm. "You’ll do fine. I have just the song in mind." Her eyes glinted impishly and Obi-Wan knew that despite his protests, he would probably forget all about the people watching once Asajj captivated him with her grace.

Their cocktails arrived and they carried on snacking and drinking leisurely. Agreeing that they were pretty satisfied in the way of refreshments, Asajj paid the tab. Obi-Wan, meanwhile, began to think the crowd wasn’t so bad, and heck, he and Ventress definitely could put on a better show. "I suppose a deal’s a deal, my darling," Obi-Wan practically purred, getting up and heading toward the stage.

Asajj found their song and cued it up. When Obi-Wan heard the opening bars, he knew it immediately and he grinned mischievously, mouthing "Good choice" to Asajj, who began swaying seductively to the beat. It was a good thing Obi-Wan knew the song pretty much by heart, because he couldn’t take his eyes off her. The provocative things she did with her hands, kneading and caressing, and the predatory way she stared at him…Suddenly, they were performing only for each other and the world was forgotten. When the song ended, Obi-Wan pulled Asajj roughly against him and kissed her full on the mouth, demanding and fiery. She made a plaintive noise in the back of her throat and licked at his bottom lip. He kissed the side of her neck and released her, beginning to head back to their table.

Suddenly, a woman approached the couple. Obi-Wan noted her beauty with chagrin. He knew Asajj would have felt his attraction in the Force, and anyway, his thoughts had betrayed him. Asajj, meanwhile, knew the woman would appeal to Obi-Wan simply because she had long, thick hair that begged to be touched and an exotic look to her. She looked to be in her early thirties or late twenties, with the darker skin of those used to warm climates.

"Hello, handsome," she crooned in a melodic alto. Indeed, she had a voice that would probably complement Obi-Wan’s quite well if they sang together.

Obi-Wan laughed. "I think you’re mistaken, ma’am. I’m far too old for that."

"Nonsense. I’m Acantha. And you are?"

"Ben," he said curtly. It didn’t feel right to lie, but he had no real choice.

"Well, Ben, how about a dance? If your…friend…doesn’t mind, of course." She smirked at Asajj, as though daring her to object.

Obi-Wan looked over at Ventress. She did an admirable job not showing the spike of jealousy she felt, which was swiftly subsumed by the challenge Acantha presented. "Far be it from me to deny Ben a treat. Be my guest," she said smoothly before bowing to Obi-Wan and going back to their table.

Obi-Wan thought he should go after Asajj, but Acantha started a slow ballad and took his hand, and his free hand twined in her hair and touched her soft cheek as they moved together. Her heady perfume, which was like rich vanilla, didn’t help matters.

Asajj watched them stoically. She was angry, bitter, and even a little betrayed. She told herself it was just a dance, just harmless flirtation, that the woman meant nothing to Obi-Wan, that she did not share the history they did. But an insecure voice whispered that the woman was beautiful and look how Obi-Wan was enraptured. Another voice, her logical one, said he was just as captivated by her some ten minutes ago. But that was before Acantha. Would it still be the same going forward? But what hurt the most was that she’d thought Obi-Wan was different, wasn’t given to such superficiality, or at least that he would do right by her and not give in to it. She ignored the self-recriminating voice that said she wasn’t being fair.

Acantha leaned close to Obi-Wan and reached up to lay her cheek against his, then kissed his lips hungrily. To his credit, Obi-Wan jerked back as though burned, just as a voice rang out in anger.

"That’s my woman. Get away from her."

Obi-Wan turned to find a blaster aimed at his chest and a tall thug staring daggers at him. He dropped to the ground and rolled away as the first shot was fired. Up he leapt, lightsaber humming, as a second shot was deflected and hit a wall. He began dodging around tables as customers began making a raucous cry of panic and some tried to run for the door. Asajj flicked her wrist and the blaster flew to her hand, where she promptly destroyed it with one of her own lightsabers and bounded after Obi-Wan, who was nearly at the door. But the thug intercepted her and punched her in the shoulder, forcing her to drop the lightsaber. Obi-Wan made his way to the fallen lightsaber as Asajj and the irate hoodlum traded blows. He picked it up manually and deactivated both his and hers as he leapt from a nearby table and kicked the thug to the floor. "Run," he called over his shoulder to Asajj.

Ventress glanced at the two men, noting that this untrained street fighter, though fierce, would not pose much difficulty for a focused Jedi Knight, and ran out the door and hopped into her speeder. Obi-Wan made it outside and wrestled his assailant to the ground, kicking him in the ribs, the chest, until the man was subdued. He knelt on the ground next to the man’s head and said, "It might interest you to know that 'your woman' approached me for the dance and the kiss. Given your current state of affairs, maybe she has a point." Obi-Wan felt the man’s fury and humiliation as he pulled a stun blaster and shot him. With a last glance at his fallen opponent, he rose and approached Asajj’s speeder. 

Asajj could not hide the admiration she felt at this moment for her Jedi, regardless of his attraction to Acantha. She’d seen and heard the entire exchange thanks to the Force. Obi-Wan’s battle prowess both verbally and physically had drawn her irresistibly when they’d met on a battlefield on opposite sides of the War. She could tell by the rage emanating from his rival that he’d aimed well. "Why are you just standing there? We have to get away," she snapped out in a clipped tone.

Obi-Wan nodded briskly and sat next to Asajj, who took off toward home.


	2. Solitude

There was a tension in the silence between the pair that had not been present before this fiasco with Acantha. Obi-Wan could feel Asajj’s barely-restrained wrath. He wondered if she could feel his shame. He knew he should say something, anything, to try to make things right, but knew, too, that this wasn’t the time. Anyway, what could he say? It would not change what he’d done. He looked sidelong at Asajj, who looked stonily ahead, and sighed quietly. He touched her forearm and she flinched away, hissing like a tooka and baring her teeth at him. Obi-Wan nodded slowly and carefully proffered her lightsaber, hilt-first. She snatched the weapon away almost viciously, but as Obi-Wan made eye contact, he saw pain in her gaze. Her eyes hardened and she turned back to her flying, but now Obi-Wan felt grief to go along with the guilt.

Asajj, for her part, just wanted to be alone. She hated being pulled in opposing directions - anger, sorrow, lust, love. She wanted to pummel Kenobi for the turmoil he had caused in her and for the fact that she could not hate him and did not want to. Before Kenobi, Asajj always knew how she felt about someone, be it respect, scorn, indifference, or hatred. This was the first time she’d encountered a situation where she wanted to punish and be lenient simultaneously. Because Asajj did feel Obi-Wan’s contrition. But if she just let it go…That wouldn’t do, either. And the lightsaber…It was a reminder of trust, a visible symbol of life to a Jedi, and for her and Obi-Wan, it meant partnership.

"Perhaps a spar would make you feel better?" Obi-Wan ventured cautiously.

Asajj scowled at him. "Do you have a death wish?" she growled through clenched teeth.

"Sometimes…" Obi-Wan muttered bitterly.

"Don’t we all?" Asajj ground out. "Why do we even bother with life? Just brings misery."

Obi-Wan blinked. "Sometimes, there are happy moments," he offered.

She raised a hand and slapped him in the face. "Don’t mock me. You know as well as I the happiness doesn’t last."

Obi-Wan touched his cheek gingerly and bit his lip in stunned silence. No one he’d loved had ever physically hurt him like that. Okay, maybe his attempt at optimism was ill-timed, and maybe Asajj had known much less happiness than he had, but his intent had actually been good. He’d been lashed with electrowhips and had marks to prove it. This injury was nothing, merely skin deep, and would disappear in time. And yet it hurt him where the whips could never reach. I guess we’re even, he thought to himself. Funny how it always works out that way.

It was Asajj’s turn to feel the remorse and grief. She’d lost control. It was as simple as that. She suddenly realized Obi-Wan had lost control as well. But he could have said no. And you could have said no. Asajj shook her head and sighed.

Ventress landed the speeder outside Obi-Wan’s place and he climbed out, head held up, making straight for his door. There were no kind words, no tender eyes, no gentle hands to soothe and strengthen her. He disappeared inside and pulled his door shut behind him with a thud of finality. Asajj stared at the barrier a long moment, feeling truly unwelcome for the first time in their history. Heart sick with loss and regret, she turned away and walked home, leaving her speeder behind. 

Obi-Wan felt Asajj’s Force signature draw away and sighed sadly, dropping onto his sleep couch. Everything he saw in his house reminded him of her, from his meditation mat to his makeshift dining table to his bed. He couldn’t even make tea at that moment because it would probably compound his sorrow. He’d gotten attached, again. When would he ever learn? He wondered idly if Qui-Gon would be proud of how like him he was turning out to be. He felt a gentle touch to their bond and heard and amused chuckle. Qui-Gon said nothing, only sent sympathy and encouragement before touching the bond again in a soft farewell. "Thank you," Obi-Wan murmured, genuinely smiling briefly.

Obi-Wan’s mind turned again to Asajj. She had no right to hit him like that. He’d only been trying to help. Didn’t that count for something? But his mind scolded that it was he who had dishonored their partnership. She wouldn’t have been angry enough to hit him if he hadn’t accepted Acantha’s invitation. A traitorous thought whispered that this was Asajj’s fault because she’d allowed him to dance with the stranger rather than say what she really felt, but he had been the one to indulge his lust. He knew the woman didn’t really love him in the way Asajj did, and he certainly didn’t care for Acantha in any meaningful way. He definitely hadn’t meant to upset Asajj, but he’d thought she understood it was totally frivolous and physical, particularly considering her attitude with him throughout their Clone Wars years. He knew he had done wrong by acting on his feelings this time, but he couldn’t quite understand why she was so furious about the dance itself, unless it was the kiss at the end, but that was not his fault.

Obi-Wan stood and removed his cloak and robe, folding them neatly and setting them on his table. His boots went to the foot of his couch and then he lay down and calmed his mind. Things might be less muddled the next day. But he knew one thing for certain. He wanted to reconcile and would do whatever he had to to mend the rift between them.

Asajj, meanwhile, was only feeling. She didn’t have it in her to be logical and mellow just then. She wanted to turn around, unlock his door, curl up beside him and weep. She wanted to howl her pain at the sky, break something, kill something. She wanted to yell at Kenobi, make him feel as undesirable as she did, tell him exactly what she thought of most of his Jedi family and did he think he was perfect? 

She froze in mid-stride at that last thought and blinked back tears. That was just it, wasn’t it? For all Obi-Wan’s skill, talent, and confidence, she knew he carried regrets as heavy as her own and knew perfectly well that he didn’t know everything or do everything right. He was more Jedi than most of his Order, who she thought were arrogant hypocrites, but at the same time, he knew he was an individual. He had the Order’s rationality and serenity and the love and emotion that came from himself. She envied and admired his balance and realized that was why she hated the Jedi. They were all platitudes and no compassion. Every Jedi she’d met besides her beloved Master and Kenobi had seen her merely as an opponent, something to defeat. But Ky and Obi-Wan had wanted to give her good things, to help and not to harm. The most important thing was that they showed it by actions.

She made it home and was much calmed by the walk. She was glad she hadn’t spoken to Obi-Wan at the height of her fury. She remembered his betrayed look when she’d hit him. She’d known it was wrong, because Ky had never hit her that way, even though everyone else she’d served thought nothing of abusing her. She didn’t know if Obi-Wan would want anything to do with her now, but she resolved to apologize, even if she got nothing back. Obi-Wan had said loss was inevitable; what mattered was whether the end was friendly. She decided she’d try to ensure that it was.


	3. Separation

Obi-Wan woke alone and frowned in confusion a moment before remembering Acantha. He couldn’t believe it had come to this so soon. As he brewed tea, he realized he didn’t know how to define his relationship anymore when he used to always have a category for Asajj, whether it was dangerous but intriguing enemy, surprisingly cooperative ally, or friend and romantic interest.

He carefully took a sip and thought of how important tea was to him. It was something almost synonymous with love, because he’d shared many cups with his Master, Anakin, and even his clone officers a time or two. The only reason he didn’t share more with his soldiers was that they didn’t care for it and preferred caffe. Even though they’d had different beverages, those times had still been companionable. He smiled sadly. He remembered Satine liked to sweeten her tea and how surprised he’d been on seeing that because he and his Master never did. Asajj and Anakin tended to sweeten tea only if it was too bitter. And now, none of those people were there to share it with. Ironic.

After breakfast and morning meditation, he decided he felt like exercise. He grabbed his lightsaber and stun blaster and hid them under his robe. Then he headed outside and stopped as he noticed Asajj’s speeder. He now remembered he hadn’t heard it drive away last night but had felt Asajj leaving. He got in and took off toward her home.

Asajj got up from her mattress on the earthen floor and headed out to get water for tea. But partway there, she changed her mind. It would just remind her of what she’d lost. She thought about meditating or training and growled in frustration. She thought about food but found she didn’t particularly feel like eating. She found that she had no direction. Again. It happened when Ky died, when Dooku left her to die, when Talzin vanished in mist. But only Ky’s death had really made her lose her appetite. Until now. She knew sitting idle would not help but couldn’t think what she could do that wouldn’t remind her of Jedi.

But inspiration hit and she headed back home, rummaging among her possessions until she found some blocks of dark wood and her small carving knife. She sat down on the ground and began to whittle. She didn’t know what to make, but could feel herself relaxing with the repetitive movement. And then she heard the speeder approaching. She wanted to hide her handiwork, suddenly embarrassed. She swept the wood shavings under her mattress and put the knife and wood away, heading outside as the speeder landed.

"Hello," Obi-Wan greeted tersely as he got out. "I thought I should return this. You know, if I kept it too long, I might have been tempted to keep it. And that’s not really the Jedi way." He offered a slight, crooked smile and turned to leave.

"So that’s it, Kenobi?" Asajj accused. "That’s all we were to you? Something to be used for a while and then cast aside?"

Obi-Wan whipped around, eyes blazing. "It’s clear I’m just property to you. You wouldn’t have hit me if I were otherwise."

"And you wouldn’t have let her kiss you if commitment meant anything to you."

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened in disbelief and his tone hardened threateningly. "What? What did you just imply? My entire life has been dedicated to the Jedi. I sacrificed much because of that commitment."

"Seems you got nothing in return for it," Asajj sneered. "Not worth the effort."

Sarcasm crept in. "Oh, right, because it’s always about payment for you, isn’t it? So now that I’ve disappointed you, you think you’ve wasted time. Just like Anakin."

Asajj snarled and pulled a lightsaber, but did not activate it. "How dare you compare me to him!"

"Gee, I don’t know. Why don’t you look at what you’re holding? And possibly the way you’re about ready to either Force choke me or kill me."

Asajj froze, and her expression changed to one of horror. She slowly replaced her lightsaber at her side and stared at Obi-Wan in open-mouthed shock. She turned and ran back inside.

"Running away again, hmmm?" Obi-Wan called contemptuously. "Typical."

Asajj turned around, a silent curse on her lips. She wanted to scream that she hated Obi-Wan, that she didn’t want him and he could leave and never return. But deep in her heart, she knew it was a lie. She approached slowly, clutching a lightsaber in each hand and maintaining eye contact. When he was in reach, she offered both sabers to him with a sad smile. "Take them," she rasped hoarsely, her voice trembling. "I…I don’t want them any longer. I can easily buy some other weapon."

Obi-Wan took the lightsabers gently, as though they were delicate teacups that would shatter if he applied too much pressure. "But these are a part of you," he protested softly.

"I’ll get used to something different," Asajj answered. "It’s not like I haven’t done it before. Those represent everything I want to leave behind."

"You don’t seem happy about it, Ventress," Obi-Wan challenged, peering intently at her face.

"It doesn’t matter," she muttered bitterly. "It’s the story of my life. Always moving from place to place, person to person. I’m tired of being second, used for some purpose and then discarded. I’m sick of other people, other objectives, being more important. I was right before. Friendships are more trouble than they’re worth."

Obi-Wan was at a loss. He couldn’t even tell her it was any different for him. After all, he had to protect Luke. But his heart ached at her matter-of-fact statements. He knew all too well what she was feeling. Finally, he offered a rejoinder in a low, resigned tone. "And I’m sick of losing those I love."

Asajj’s face contorted in frustration. "Why, Kenobi? Why must you always do this?" she yelled at him.

Obi-Wan blinked in confusion. "Do what?" he sighed wearily, his voice hoarse and quiet.

"Make me feel guilty," Asajj spat.

"It’s not as though I do it on purpose, my-" He broke off. He couldn’t call her endearments anymore.

"Your what?" she prodded mercilessly.

Obi-Wan shook his head no.

"Say it," she hissed.

"Darling," he choked out.

"What? I didn’t catch that," she snapped.

He stared at her a long moment, then replaced her lightsabers at her sides and took her in his arms. "Darling," he murmured, quietly but clearly.

And Asajj lay her head on his shoulder and cried.

Obi-Wan patted her shoulder, bent his head to touch his cheek to hers, and stroked her back gently. As her tears subsided, she began to pull away, but Obi-Wan took her hands in his and looked at her compassionately for a moment before releasing her. He bowed to her solemnly and said, "May the Force always be with you, wherever you go. I say this as a Jedi and I say this as your friend." His voice broke on the last word and he turned away, though not before Asajj saw the moisture of tears.

Asajj wanted to cry again. She knew her soul was already mourning another death. She took Obi-Wan’s wrist and studied his palm, noting the calluses from years of lightsaber training. She touched them with her fingertips and looked at her own hand, smaller and finer-boned but with the same evidence of a life of war and survival. She took his hand in hers and tilted his head up to meet her gaze with her other hand. "May the Force be with you. I say this with the deepest respect and greatest admiration, equal only to the Master who loved me as much as you did."

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened and he gasped softly. She smiled, knowing only he would understand just what she meant. "You’re…I’m…"

Asajj put a finger to his lips. "No, my dear. No words are necessary. I see what you feel and sense it in the Force." She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him on the lips chastely. She felt him return her affection and hug her tightly.

"You will always be missed, darling," came his hoarse whisper near her head.

"I’ll never forget you, dearest," Asajj whispered back.

Both stepped back simultaneously, Obi-Wan turning toward home while Asajj entered her cave.


	4. Solace

Asajj couldn’t believe what had just happened. Or rather, she could, but she hadn’t known just how empty she’d feel. It wasn’t just another person leaving her or even that he left her by choice. It was that he left her but clearly hadn’t wanted to. Because if he’d wanted to, why did he still call her "darling?" The one person who walked beside her or chose to obey her, rather than doing so by default, and thus unique in her experience, and she’d let him walk away. And yet, if Kenobi had wanted the relationship to continue, wouldn’t he have fought harder for it? She’d never known him to back down, to give up. She didn’t want to give up, but didn’t know how to regain what she’d lost. And if Obi-Wan didn’t want to cooperate, she was better off without him.

Obi-Wan was equally conflicted and this was unsettling. He kept pondering what she’d said about his lack of commitment. If he let her go, wouldn’t that just be proving her right? But he gathered she couldn’t trust him anymore, so why would she believe any apology he tried to make, any promise he tried to give that it wouldn’t happen again? If she couldn’t trust him, the relationship was already a lost cause. He’d learned this with Anakin. Besides, she clearly didn’t want to expend the effort to salvage what they had. She’d said she was better off alone, didn’t she? But she’d wept when he called her "darling," likely the only person who’d ever done so, playfully or otherwise. When he and his Master had gotten wires crossed like this, they usually talked when both were calm enough to think clearly. He decided he wanted answers and clarification. At any rate, he still owed Asajj an apology, whether she believed him or not. But he’d do it later. 

Knowing she needed to eat whether she wanted to or not, but not having the desire to light a fire and heat anything up, Ventress got some energy bars and water and chewed and swallowed mechanically. Her whittling project called to her and she found herself thinking about giving it to Obi-Wan. She thought he’d like something she made with her own hands and knew he liked to keep souvenirs from those he cared about. If he didn’t accept it, she’d know he didn’t want her around.

Days passed slowly and listlessly for both Obi-Wan and Asajj. They wanted to meet, but neither seemed to have the courage to make the first move. It could end very badly indeed, and they were having enough trouble as it was. But the more time passed, the more desperate the situation became, until their determination and tenacity won out. Neither of them were going to let what they had slip away. It was too valuable. They could not return to their old lives after knowing how it felt to truly be understood and accepted, without strings attached.

About half a week after they’d parted, they made their way toward each other’s homes, but Asajj must have started her journey earlier, since she met Obi-Wan closer to his place. "May as well go your way," Obi-Wan had chuckled. They fell into step as easily as always, and Obi-Wan put on his kettle when they got in. 

Asajj sat on the floor at Obi-Wan’s little rectangular table, resting her elbow on it and her cheek on her hand pensively. She could almost believe nothing had changed. "I can pour, if you like," she offered, reaching toward the teapot.

Obi-Wan smiled and sat across from her while Asajj served them. "How have you been? Or shouldn’t I ask?"

Asajj pursed her lips. "Do you want the truth, or the standard polite answer?"

Obi-Wan actually chuckled. Asajj snorted, but offered a genuine smile and laughing eyes. "How about the middle ground - the diplomatic truth?"

"You always make things difficult," she muttered in half-hearted complaint. "I haven’t been very hungry or motivated. Otherwise, I’ve been doing the usual - keeping a low profile."

"Well, it’s good to hear you haven’t been drinking, if you’ve been staying out of sight."

"You don’t know that. I could have alcohol at home. But for the record, I haven’t been. Just asking for trouble."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I’ve been eating, but mostly I’ve been torturing myself with the past. I suppose that is usual for me."

"You torture yourself with the future, too. I’ve been avoiding thought. Too bad I haven’t been here to distract you."

"Master always tried to redirect me as well. And if you’d been here, you’d have eaten more. Would you like something?"

"Still not really hungry. Thank you. Maybe after we talk."

"Ah. So that’s why you’re here."

"Isn’t that why you were on your way to see me?"

"So sure I was looking for you?" he teased.

"Oh. You have another woman so soon? And here I thought I was unforgettable. Perhaps I should give you a reminder." She’d brought a small leather bag along with water and other travel necessities and rifled through it until she found her carving. She carefully placed it on his upturned palm and met his gaze briefly, before retreating to her tea.

Obi-Wan studied the black figurine with curiosity and interest. It was a serpent coiled in the shape of a corkscrew. He could tell by the wedge-shaped head and how the tail tapered at the tip to a blunt point. He smiled warmly and caressed the coils, putting it down by his cup and sipping at his tea. The carving was simple, but sanded to smooth, rounded surfaces with detailing of the scales. There were no splinters to poke him. He was touched. "Is…Is this a gift?" he murmured, almost inaudibly.

"It’s yours if you want it. I thought it should be small, discreet, so if anyone happened to see it, it wouldn’t arouse much suspicion."

Instead of answering, Obi-Wan approached Asajj and kissed her forehead. "I will cherish it always," he whispered near her ear, before withdrawing back to his end of the table and resting a hand on the serpent’s coils. "Why did you choose a snake? The corkscrew is obvious."

"I don’t remind you of one?" she asked dubiously. "I identify with them. They are ugly and perhaps because of that, they are reviled. Yet they do what they can to stay alive. They choose to run rather than fight, if they have no hope of winning. They change their skins, which I’m no stranger to. And they have a hypnotic and sensual grace all their own, at least to some beings." She winked at Obi-Wan, whose eyes had grown distant with analysis and memory, and poured herself more tea.

"I see. That does make sense. I’d never considered what animal I was similar to."

"I think you’d be a wolf. They are creatures who care about group integrity and are strong, fast, have lots of stamina, and don’t give up easily."

"Hmmm." Obi-Wan waved his hand and an illusory but life-like wolf with short, brownish-gray fur appeared on his meditation mat. A powerful, black constrictor twined around the wolf’s body, undulating smoothly, its head resting against one side of the wolf’s neck. The rest of the snake’s body wrapped around the wolf’s feet several times. The snake raised its head and hissed, and the wolf’s tail swished back and forth as it gave a single bark. "Could you carve me a wolf?"

"Why not carve it yourself? I could show you how if you never learned the skill. And very nice illusion. I like it." Her tone was one of real admiration.

"I don’t know it. I’d be interested in learning it. And thank you. Seemed like a good idea at the time." He waved his hand and the animals vanished.

"Well, I don’t have my knife now. It’ll have to be another day, if there is one."

Obi-Wan remembered that yes, their relationship was still up in the air. "Did you want to be a team again?"

She raised her eyebrows at him. "I’m here, aren’t I?"

"Well, that doesn’t necessarily mean-"

Asajj grumbled impatiently. "Honestly, Kenobi, if I just wanted to give you that carving, I could have done it when we met outside."

Obi-Wan froze, then nodded slowly. "Then why imply we may not see each other again?"

Asajj sighed in frustration. "You called us a team. In order to see each other again, there has to be agreement. Like the Jedi you are, your desires are inscrutable."

"Yes, but we’re sharing tea. It’s not like…Oh." Realization dawned as he noted that tea was innocuous enough to merely be considered polite. How was she to know there was any more significance to the drink? He stared into Asajj’s eyes and explained. "Let’s put it this way. Tea has been a constant companion for as long as I can remember. For me, it’s almost as important as a lightsaber. I have blue milk and pally juice and water. Of course, if you want those things, you are free to go and get them, or I can. I don’t just offer visitors tea, and I don’t ask to share it if I don’t like you. Visitors must ask for it to get it."

It was Asajj’s turn to be touched and speechless. All the times they’d had tea with meals and with conversation took on much more significance now. She smiled fondly as she remembered the first time she’d shared tea with him. Tea and pally pie. At the time, she’d thought it was merely because Obi-Wan had been having tea so it was just convenient. Now she understood better, because he’d been expecting her. "No. I’m happy with tea," she rasped huskily.

Obi-Wan smiled kindly and poured himself more. The drink was still warm, but it was at a point where if they didn’t drink quickly, it would get cold and not be any good. He poured Asajj some more, noting her cup was empty. Gently, he took her hand. "I owe you an apology. You were my partner and I chose another. I shouldn’t have let her touch me, shouldn’t have touched her in any romantic way. I did not intend, did not know, it would anger and hurt you as much as it did. The way I saw it, you would understand flirtation and games of that sort and would know my heart was still yours. Whether or not you believe me, our team is more than just something to be discarded, and you are more than just a passing fancy."

"I did know it was probably not personal and I understood physical desire. Even I thought she was attractive. She had too much hair, but leaving that aside, certainly appealing. I even understood that you could not help what you felt. But it was the acting on it, and the intimate touches that I thought went too far for mere play. You touched her cheek; she kissed your mouth. Those aren’t done with just anyone.. At least, when she kissed you, you had the grace to look appalled."

"I was in a daze, I think. I didn’t see it coming. I can’t promise to not find other women attractive, but I can certainly ignore it and even them, if you’d give me another chance."

"Do you even have to ask? You were right about one thing. It is about compensation for me. The instant you said you were sorry, the debt was paid. And now it’s my turn." She tugged Obi-Wan’s hand and moved so the table wasn’t in their way. She kept her position across from him, but got closer and lay her free hand against his bruised cheek. Obi-Wan felt the electric tingle of the Force on his skin and noted it was Light side energy. "I deeply regret hitting you. I’m ashamed of my behavior and cannot really offer any excuse because I know that’s not the way people I care about should be treated. I could tell you I’ve been treated worse for lesser infractions than yours. I could say I never really learned how to manage anger in any other way than to hit things. But you didn’t deserve to be punished for trying to encourage me and show me that life wasn’t all bad. And now I cannot take back my mistake, only say I apologize for it." She patted his cheek and lowered her hand, pleased to see the bruising had vanished.

"I couldn’t believe what you’d just done. I’ve been wounded by enemies and friends alike, but none of my friends ever hit me with malicious intent or out of anger. It carried the message from you that I was utterly unimportant. You didn’t care enough about me to even maintain me properly. I felt like less than a droid."

Asajj winced and looked away and down at the table. "When you put it like that, I see why you looked so betrayed."

"Don’t worry about it. I can see you’re remorseful. No permanent harm done. If you do it again, though, I may not be so willing to let it go."

"It’s a well-established habit of mine to attack when angry, but hitting living things is wrong when they haven’t threatened me. I was taught so early on. I just…ignored it. I knew better. I’ll do better." Asajj moved to sit beside Obi-Wan and twined an arm around his waist. When Obi-Wan looked over at her, he saw her eyes full of longing and uncertainty. He leaned close and kissed her lips tenderly, trying to project calm and reassurance through the Force at her. "So where do we go from here?" she queried. "I know we want to give us another try, but are we actually doing it?"

Obi-Wan stood and stretched stiff limbs and wandered over to his couch. He saw her watching him as he began removing outer garments. When he was down to his tunic, he smiled and stretched out on the bed, lying on his side with his head propped up and turned toward her. "If you’re hungry, there’s food in the house. And-" here, he locked eyes with her and patted the bed, "you’re welcome to share this now or later. I hope you know I wouldn’t share this with just anyone." With that, he turned onto his back and lowered his head to his pillow. He covered a yawn and closed his eyes.

"You look tired, my dear," Asajj said gently. "Maybe now’s not a good time. But tonight, definitely." She knelt by the couch and squeezed his hand, then kissed his cheek in an unspoken promise.

Obi-Wan sighed contentedly. "Haven’t slept much," he murmured, almost apologetically.

"Sometimes, you think too much," she scolded in exasperated fondness.

He laughed drowsily and Asajj left to find something to eat. She settled for a sandwich with cold meat, cheese, leafy greens, and a side of fruit and finished off the tea. She looked at her unguarded Jedi and considered that there was one time they were officially enemies and he was lucky he was never unconscious while she served Dooku, or he just might not be alive today. Then again, she might not have been able to murder him even then. She chuckled at the memory of her asking if he had a death wish. She found she wanted his faith in her, the unshakable belief that knew she would not kill him but would die to protect him. 

Ventress climbed onto the couch and made herself comfortable, wishing she could hold Obi-Wan but not daring to lest she disturb him. She slipped into meditation and eventually managed to fall asleep. She had one last question for Obi-Wan, at least for the day.

When Obi-Wan stirred, it was mid-afternoon already. He’d slept a long time, but found that it had been restful. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. Not seeing Asajj where he’d last remembered her, he searched in the Force and found her next to him. Smiling to himself, he turned toward her and considered how at peace she looked, how relaxed. He was glad she trusted him so much that she could lie so close. He carefully got up to find something to eat, but Asajj had reached out blindly and touched him, moaning a plaintive protest. "Sorry, darling. Food of a different sort calls. But I’d be happy if you joined me."

Asajj opened her eyes and stretched languidly, yawning deeply. She sat up and smiled up at Obi-Wan, who was standing looking at her. 

Obi-Wan tilted his head to one side. "Looks as though you slept well," he smiled back.

"I’ve missed you, dearest. And I have a question for you. Perhaps we can eat and talk this time?"

"Sounds okay. Would you like stew? It’s a day old, but I think still safe."

"You know how I love your stew. It was the first meal we ever ate together."

"So it was." Obi-Wan grinned at her. "Do you want milk or juice this time?"

Asajj thought it over. "Juice, I think. Might go better with the food."

Obi-Wan nodded in acknowledgement and wandered off to get the meal together. Asajj cleared up her breakfast dishes and the tea things and set the table. Obi-Wan gave her the juice and went back to stir the stew, which Asajj could smell warming up. She poured them both a glass and took their bowls into the kitchen, thinking it might be easier to just carry them out instead of the entire pot. Nodding to Asajj, he took each bowl in turn and served the stew, careful to divide the meat evenly. He turned off the heat and covered the pot and followed Asajj back to the table. They ate in silence for a while before Asajj spoke. "Why me, Obi-Wan? Why did you choose me? Why are you attracted to me? There are women who are more civilized, more beautiful, more elegant, less murderous."

Obi-Wan ate slowly and frowned thoughtfully. "I could ask you the same, you know. I don’t seem like your type, either. But let me tell you a story.

"There is a woman I once loved. Her name was Satine Kryze. She had blue eyes and blond hair; a sweet and pure voice; a gentle heart; and she ruled Mandalore and it prospered. As you probably know, Mandalore was a neutral planet. The War should not have affected it. But Maul somehow found that we’d once loved each other, and because of her ties to me, he murdered her right before my eyes. She was everything you said I should like, but you know what? I never even knew she had a sister and I’d spent a year with her on Mandalore when I was apprenticed to my Master. She and her sister were estranged. Her sister was something of a terrorist. Satine was a pacifist. Both were quite stubborn in their ideologies. And Satine hated that I was a Jedi. Or at least, she hated that I resorted to violence at all. We constantly bickered about my part in the War and the fact I carried a lightsaber. I could never get her to understand that as a Jedi, I’m trained to be a warrior to protect others and myself. She always made it sound like I enjoyed battle for the blood. I do enjoy sparring, but that’s very different from liking to cause pain."

Asajj snorted in contempt. "So you and your Master had to guard this politician and yet she hated the violence of the Jedi? Kind of hypocritical, isn’t it? And then she falls for the charming young Padawan? How else were you to protect her aside from the threat of your blade, unless she expected you to kill her attackers with kindness?" She cackled at her own joke. "She didn’t seem to have a problem with the results of combat training. Athletic physique, strong man who can defend her, and someone who’d do anything to please her. Seems like she wanted all of the good and none of the bad. I don’t know what galaxy she lived in, but she didn’t appreciate you. Personally, she sounds arrogant and selfish. And no, don’t try to defend her. I don’t want to hear it. I suppose she wasn’t much help if or when she was attacked, given she probably wouldn’t have had any weapons training at all, not even with a blaster?"

"Well…No, not particularly. I had to carry her and try to deflect blaster fire. Sometimes the ground wasn’t all that even. I once dropped her and scarred her for life, literally."

Asajj made a scathing noise. "Understandable. It’s a lot to juggle."

"That’s the thing, Asajj. You understand me. You’re on my side when I truly need you. And most important of all, you accept my imperfections and exult in the things you love about me. I remember you said once that my skill as a warrior impressed you, and it is always such fun to banter with you. So I know that’s something about me that you like."

"Love, my dear, love," she corrected in a sultry tone.

"Love," he repeated softly. "Maybe I fell for Satine because of outward things like beauty and prestige, but I was young and a fool. Only a sheltered Padawan. Didn’t know anything of life and love. But now I’m a Master and I think I know by now what’s really valuable. It’s how I can talk to you for hours, tell you things I’ve only told my Master. Because the only reason I gave Anakin any detail about her at all was that he’d deduced a shared history when he saw us together. Likely no problem for Anakin to pick up on, what with his own romance with Padme while he was a Jedi."

"If he wanted to stay with the Senator, why didn’t he just leave the Order? It’s not as if you’re like the Sith. Permanently marking traitors for death."

"I think he couldn’t leave because I was there. So he felt torn in two directions. Therefore, he was moody and temperamental. I’m not sure why he became a Sith. Perhaps his turmoil and his tendency to think of the negative just became overwhelming. Besides, he was always drawn to power. Can’t say he wasn’t tempted."

Asajj nodded soberly and scraped the last morsels of stew out of her bowl. "No restrictions on Force use with the Sith. No moral considerations. I think I joined the Sith because they opposed the Jedi, encouraged me to act on the grief and rage I felt, and because I wanted another Master. Dooku was far harsher than Ky, but I got attached to him until he betrayed me. I wouldn’t call it love exactly, but I was loyal and genuinely wanted to please him. He praised me sometimes and I lived for that. Power is a nice feeling, but I’m all right being a follower if need be."

"Anakin hated being subordinate to people. Needed to control everything and everyone. And we’ve gotten far off the original topic. Sorry about that. Why did I choose you? Because you’re everything I need in a friend and a partner. If it was the will of the Force for me to have gone through so much hardship and pain so that I could be all you need, then it was worth it."

"I’m not so charitable. The Force should have saved Ky and I could have had stability."

"I’m not so sure. The Council was wary when Anakin was presented to be trained. They only relented when Maul killed Qui-Gon and there was definite proof of the Sith threat. I do not think you would have been allowed training, even if you made it to the Temple."

"Ky would have gone it alone and trained me anyway," Asajj laughed. "I’m sure of it."

"Sounds like he and Qui-Gon would have gotten along. As it was, Qui-Gon’s disagreements with the Council always left me embarrassed and divided, because my heart was more loyal to Qui-Gon but my brain recognized the Council as the Order’s leaders. The irony is that when I made it onto the Council as a Master, I found I disagreed with them a lot too, and even understood Qui-Gon’s frustration with them. That was embarrassing in a different way."He chuckled fondly.

"Maul killed your Master? That was the fight you said you got separated in? No wonder you were after him that day I found you beaten to unconsciousness. To have killed both your first lover and your Master. I’d want vengeance, too."

Obi-Wan finished his remaining stew before speaking. "Well, Satine was killed after that incident, so I went after him on Qui-GOn’s death alone. And because he and his brother had massacred an innocent village. The entire endeavor was a disaster because I was trying to deny the stirrings of the Dark Side and therefore wasn’t focused. Maul taunted me with Qui-Gon’s murder and I lost what little control I had over my emotions. I should not have gone, but I wanted justice and vengeance."

"Yes. Justice and vengeance are very similar, aren’t they?" She touched Obi-Wan’s cheek. "I fought Savage because he tried to kill me and because he was dangerous. He’d been part of my attempt at vengeance on Dooku. It was all a disaster."

"I do not think Satine had a vengeful bone in her body. If she did, she hid or denied it well. So I doubt she would have understood our need to even things out. That’s another thing I like about you. You force me to acknowledge and remember that the Dark Side tempts me. I’m good at keeping up appearances, but you’re one of the few who can see right through that. I try to pretend I’m the perfect Jedi. And you’ve tried to pretend you have no Light in you."

"So you’re saying I bring out the worst in you?"

"No. I’m saying you keep me grounded in the present, in reality. I’m not Master Kenobi to you - I’m a man who happens to be a Jedi. Do you see? When most civilians meet a Jedi, we are not people to them. We are ethereal, remote beings who have strange abilities. You know different, and it’s important that I have someone like that to keep me humble."

"You don’t need anyone to keep you humble. You know you have limits. But I see what you’re saying. I don’t know how you and Ky saw any good in me, but I think I felt this about both of you and so I could never quite bring myself to kill you. Most people just write me off on sight, but you saw pain behind my rage and honesty in cruel words. You always tried to understand the why of what I did. You don’t condemn me for what I was or who I am now. Your love is unconditional, and in a galaxy where nothing is free, that’s something I can’t lose."

"It’s not free. I want love in return."

"As long as you believe in me, strengthen my light with yours, I’ll follow you."

"And as long as you guard me from the traps in the dark and tell me the truth, you shall always be treasured." He picked up the serpent carving and caressed it, then put it down again.

"Show me how much you love me," Asajj commanded. "Give me something you’ve given no one else, would never give anyone else. Show me I’m set apart from the others you love."

Obi-Wan took Asajj’s hand and led her to his couch. He removed his shirt and dropped it carelessly on the floor. He sat on the couch and Asajj stood before him, slowly removing her clothing in a deliberately sensual way. She licked her lips and caressed her own body. Obi-Wan swallowed hard.

"Don’t fight it, Jedi," she purred. "Just…use your feelings."

Obi-Wan choked on a laugh. "That’s a new use for that saying. But what about…consequences?"

"You mean children? Or have you changed your mind?"

"Children. I do not think intimacy is against the Code, but children definitely are. And it’d be dangerous besides."

"Don’t worry. I’m not likely to have any now, and there are medicines available that I can take immediately. I don’t want children, either, so you can trust me to follow through on that. It wouldn’t be fair to produce another being to endure such a harsh galaxy." 

Asajj glided over to the couch and straddled Obi-Wan, winding her legs around his waist. His eyebrows rose in surprise, but he backed up and began kneading her breasts rhythmically. Asajj massaged his shoulders and he moaned appreciatively. "Now we’re getting somewhere," she whispered.

Obi-Wan lay down, taking Asajj with him so that she was beside him. He kissed and licked her neck, her shoulder, her breasts. She jerked violently then, and he drew back, but she pulled him back to her and growled, "More." He nipped at her lower lip and gently quested for entry with his tongue. She accepted and their tongues danced together for a while.

Asajj bent her head to Obi-Wan’s neck and nipped it, soothing it with her tongue. She slithered down his body and licked his exposed skin, prompting an incoherent sound of pleasure. When she straddled him again so that she was now on top of him, he swore under his breath. "Language, my dear," she crooned, but her tone said she was amused and she kissed his sinful lips. "Part of the fun is to watch a Jedi lose control."

Obi-Wan looked a little worried, but Asajj shifted subtly and he knew he was safe with her. She would lead them well. "Only for you, darling," he moaned.

They carried on like this, giving and receiving pleasure, using the Force to communicate what worked and what didn’t. This was a night to be savored. And there was shelter and strength in each other’s arms after their shared ecstasy.


	5. Surrender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /Mind speech/

Obi-Wan woke on his back, one arm under Asajj's neck and the other hand resting near one of hers. He didn't move for some minutes, just enjoying their closeness and warmth with Asajj's arms around his middle. She lay on her side and Obi-Wan could feel in the Force that she was resting peacefully, but there was something different about the quality of the feeling. He turned carefully to face his lover and began to gently caress the scars on her back, which she'd said were from Sith lightning. She, too, had touched his scars. He was saddened that she'd had to experience such agony. Slowly, he raised his head and kissed her exposed shoulder and felt Asajj's arms tighten around him briefly.  
"Don't waste your pity, dear one," Asajj murmured, managing to sound both annoyed and touched. "It was my choice to become a Sith. You, on the other hand…" She caressed the scars on his own back. "Kadavo, you said. If I ever find the bastards who did this, I will kill them. I do not care if you wouldn't condone it. They will feel Sith lightning."  
Asajj felt a spike of true alarm from Obi-Wan, but mixed in was pleasure. He was flattered that she cared so much. "Darling, I'm not sure killing them would be fair," Obi-Wan cautioned.  
"Fine. Torture, then. You said some of the slaves with you were broken under the whips and demeaning words. They tried to do that to you, and that cannot go unpunished. If I find them."  
"They may already be dead. I really don't know. But come now, darling. Vengeance can only hurt you. It's already been done. Just one more atrocity to add to the ones I've witnessed during the Wars. Let it go, unless you do somehow run into them. But no use letting such dark impulses consume you now, when you don't know if they can ever be satisfied. Rex already killed the worst offender, so there's that." He kissed her lips gently, his tone soothing, and then he moved to lay his head on her chest and heard her heart beat.  
Asajj sighed and stroked his cheek tenderly. "So you're saying if I ever find them, I can torture them?"  
"Well, if I'm not with you, I do not think I could stop you from doing it. But could you injure them without the Dark Side? And could you remember that despite what they've done to numerous beings, they are still part of the Force and deserve consideration as such?"  
"You want me to feel sorry for them? No can do. But not using the Dark Side is doable."  
"Not sorry for them, exactly. But these people may have families, parents, friends. Yes, I know it's tough to believe anyone could care about them. I cannot ask you to ignore your need for vengeance and recompense. It is who you are. It'd be like you asking me not to go on idealistic crusades." Obi-Wan chuckled and winked at Asajj. "I'm just asking you to hold on to some Light while you indulge the Dark."  
Asajj growled but nodded. "I can do that," she ground out. "They should be grateful to you for sparing their miserable lives."  
Obi-Wan laughed. "If they're still alive, darling." He gently extricated himself from Asajj's embrace and sat up, taking her hand and kissing the back of it while probing something suspiciously like a training bond which only now solidified in his memory.  
Asajj's eyes widened in surprise as she felt his probe. "A training bond? But I'm not even aware I was ever apprenticed to you."  
Obi-Wan frowned in confusion. "Neither am I. But I do not want that sort of relationship with you. It would make intimacy rather awkward. But where did it come from, I wonder? Did we both want this without knowing it or is it one of those things created by the Force?"  
"We have worked together on impromptu missions. Maybe the bond grew out of an unconscious desire to communicate more efficiently."  
"This could be. But we've always been attracted to each other, even before we worked together. In fact, there was no discernible reason that I can tell that it should have been so. Even if I did pique your curiosity and I couldn't stop thinking of you. Usually, such infatuations pass in time."  
Asajj withdrew her hand from Obi-Wan's and got up, pacing around the room. "I'm not sure how I feel about such a bond. Part of me would like to get rid of it and part of me wants to keep it. But if you're right that the Force willed this bond, I suppose we cannot really sever it."  
"I like it, personally. If it's privacy you're worried about, I'm sure that's not a problem. Since you're not an apprentice, you could just close your end whenever you wished." Obi-Wan smiled.  
"But that wouldn't work when we sleep, and I don't always have the nicest dreams."  
"That's why I meditate before sleep. I don't always have nice ones, either. But by the same token, with a bond like this, it would be easier to understand what's troubling the other person and not have to try to talk."  
Asajj came and sat by Obi-Wan, an arm around his shoulders. "But the Jedi I killed…Sometimes, I remember them. I wouldn't be comfortable with you seeing that. Or the times I've been injured and vulnerable."  
Obi-Wan turned toward Asajj, draping an arm around her shoulders and taking her hand. "Do you not trust me? Do you think I'd mock or take advantage of you?" Obi-Wan sounded uncharacteristically frustrated.  
"No. I'm sure you wouldn't. But they are not nice memories." She looked down at the couch they were on, and over the bond, Obi-Wan felt shame and fear.  
Obi-Wan gathered Asajj in his arms and held her against his chest, stroking her arms, one callused palm skimming over a breast. "You just reminded me that a bond like this actually affords more privacy. No need to broadcast emotions anymore. But you won't lose me. No matter what you've done."  
Asajj shook her head. "It's one thing to know what I've done; quite another to see it. Perhaps…Perhaps you will regret your choice. Not just me, but last night as well."  
"Last night? Asajj, it was beautiful. You were kind and the most patient I've ever seen you. You gave me the opportunity to back out, and when I refused and said I'd never been where you wanted to go, you'd smiled knowingly and said you'd show me how it was done. I was richly rewarded for my trust. Can you not trust me in return?" This time, his tone was gentle and tender.  
Asajj turned around and held Obi-Wan's gaze steadily, stroking his beard. "I suppose if you're going to hate me, I should get it over with sooner rather than later. What do you wish to see?"  
"Nothing you do not wish to show. Really, what I want is for us to meditate on this bond, see if we can't figure out its nature. If it is a Force bond and not a temporary training bond, I'd like to truly make it ours, strengthen it so we are one mentally as well as physically."  
"I cannot help but see danger in that. There's no going back once such a strengthening has occurred, is there? And no way to hide thoughts and emotions?"  
"That's right. Such a melding of minds is difficult to hide from and disengage. But Force bonds are not meant to be broken anyway. The minds can be separated again, and thoughts and emotions can still be shielded, but a Force bond is for always. You would still have control of your own mind, your own identity. You would just be closer to me."  
"It is not that I wish to hide. Not really. But your perspective on me might change."  
"Maybe. But I don't think that is synonymous with loss of love. When I first met my Master, I idolized him. He was an amazing Jedi and I wanted to be like him. As I got to know him, I began to see his imperfections. I saw that yes, Master was a great Jedi and he was also a flawed human like me. I no longer worshipped him. But as you can tell, my devotion to him and my esteem for him has not diminished in the slightest. I still try to make him proud."  
Asajj nodded in understanding. "Then I'll do as you command. It sounds as though you already know what you speak of, what a mind meld is supposed to be like."  
"Master and I did it. If trust is perfect, it's the highest expression of love between Jedi." Obi-Wan got to his feet, got dressed, and looked over at Asajj. "Why don't we eat and then head to your place? The Force is easier to feel there and you may feel more relaxed."  
"As you wish," she murmured. Obi-Wa touched her shoulder reassuringly, sensing her unease through their bond as she followed suit.  
They took a rejuvenating dip in the stream and made their way to Asajj's caverns. Obi-Wan sat on the bare ground, back against a wall, while Asajj sat across from him. Already, he was slipping into meditation, Force currents flowing strong and steady around them both as he held Asajj's hand. Asajj felt more than heard his call along their bond and anxiously followed after him. /Don't be afraid,/ came Obi-Wan's kind voice in her mind. She relaxed and ran up beside him. /We have to go in further. What if we lie down?/  
Asajj pulled Obi-Wan with her as she lay on her bed. Obi-Wan lay facing her and began rhythmically stroking her cheek, her brow, her neck. Asajj savored the sensations and her eyes closed in contentment.  
Obi-Wan went deeper into meditation and Asajj followed his lead. And he grasped his half of the bond while Asajj touched hers and he sought the Force's guidance. And both felt it simultaneously, that the bond connected their Force signatures and not just their minds.  
/Maybe last night had something to do with it,/ Asajj mused.  
/I think it started before that. We just didn't feel it until today. I think there was a link established when we met. Last night merely solidified it./  
/It makes sense. The reason I couldn't kill you./  
/Now, I'll offer you the same opportunity you offered me. If you wish to turn back and not show yourself, you know how to return to the outside world./  
/I want to run, but a part of me wants this joining. I know that though it is difficult to hide from, it is also difficult to lie once it's established. But I've never lied to you. Not once. I don't see how it would be any different after this. But I still hesitate./  
Obi-Wan spoke compassionately and draped an arm over her comfortingly. /What do you fear, darling? That I won't love you if you show me your secrets, the extent of your crimes?/  
/Yes,/ came the hissed reply.  
/My regard is so precious to you?/  
/My Master loved me when I was yet worthy to be called a Jedi. I'd been a faithful servant, to him and the one before him, a civilian slave owner. And before you say it, I know slavery is illegal. But it doesn't mean it doesn't happen./  
/I know. Anakin was a slave as well./  
/He…Really? That explains a lot. Anyway, you know how I loved Ky. And he loved me, too. Enough to fall in combat for me. But I was easy to love then. Still compassionate and relatively untainted by the galaxy's evil. But you love me now and think I have good and potential when I've lived a life of cruelty, injustice, and hatred. I'm not sure even Ky would love me anymore./ Asajj sounded sad, regretful.  
/You might be surprised,/ Obi-Wan murmured. /I do not know Ky, so I cannot say for certain, but if he is anything like my Master, I imagine he is watching you and hoping against hope that you find peace, faith, and maybe even return to the Jedi./  
/I cannot be a Jedi. A Dark Side practitioner would not be welcome. And I'm not sure I could keep to the Code./  
/I think you could. I suspect you are more disciplined than you think. But you must do it because you wish to. It's not as though there's any Jedi Order to obey, anyhow. Even I must be a Jedi unofficially. But if you ever wish to return one day, I'd be happy to teach you what Ky couldn't as far as technical skills go. Not as your Master; merely another Jedi./  
/Thank you. Both for the offer and your patience. How does this melding work?/  
Obi-Wan smiled. /Just let down your shields. Here. I'll show you./ He lowered his shields and Asajj gasped as she felt Obi-Wan's presence fill her awareness. She saw events and people - Obi-Wan as a young boy newly apprenticed, Obi-Wan's head bowed in shame before an angry and disappointed Qui-Gon, the two of them in perfect teamwork and the accompanying joy of combat, Obi-Wan sitting by an injured Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon bringing a small bowl of soup to a clearly ill Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan triumphantly showing a datapad to Qui-Gon on some mission, Qui-Gon embracing Obi-Wan in relief and gratitude. A young Anakin, Qui-Gon saying he took Anakin as Padawan and Obi-Wan's feeling of abandonment, Qui-Gon saying Obi-Wan was ready for his Trials and the resulting surprise and spike of excitement, swiftly shot down by the green Master Asajj remembered meeting once.  
/He said I was strong with the Dark Side, but had much to learn,/ Asajj had supplied.  
/That's Master Yoda,/ Obi-Wan had filled in.  
Asajj saw Qui-Gon run through, saw Obi-Wan cradling him as Qui-Gon stroked his cheek compassionately, saw a newly apprenticed Anakin. Asajj saw Anakin progressing quickly, felt how pleased Obi-Wan was and how troubled at his Padawan's pride. He saw them sparring and flying and poring over diagrams and charts of machines and lightsabers. She saw Anakin loyally sitting with an injured Obi-Wan, saw him lay a hand on Obi-Wan's forehead to try to ease pain or tension, saw Obi-Wan relax and offer Anakin a grateful smile. She saw Obi-Wan bring Anakin a plush dewback and Anakin hugging it gratefully.  
Asajj snorted. /Didn't know he liked that sort of thing./  
/He brought it with him from Tatooine. He didn't like the planet but the toy reminded him of his mother. He tended to want it when he was sick./  
And then she saw how Anakin resisted Obi-Wan's leadership when they were assigned to guard Senator Amidala, how the relationship steadily declined, Cody's betrayal, the Temple ruins, Obi-Wan maiming Anakin, and then a baby brought to Tatooine.  
/Serves Skywalker right,/ Asajj grumbled. /To betray you for Palpatine./  
Obi-Wan shook his head. /I acted first and thought later. It was him or me but I regret having done that./  
/Who's the little one?/  
/I cannot say./  
/You don't know or you can't tell me?/  
/Cannot tell you. Too risky./  
/And you talk to me about trust,/ Asajj complained.  
/It is not personal,/ Obi-Wan said curtly.  
/I thought you loved me./  
/I do./  
/Then who is the baby?/  
/Do you think he's mine?/ It was out before he could stop himself.  
/Ah, so it's a he. If he's not yours, why were you holding him?/  
/I can't answer that. Look, I don't like to hide but it really can't be helped. But do you really think me so irresponsible as to have a child as a Jedi, given the risks we took every day?/  
Asajj frowned. /All right. I see your point. I didn't mean to distrust you. I just don't understand all the secrecy./  
/I know. I'm sorry as well. But this is how it must be. I'll fill you in as soon as I can, but it might be a while./  
Asajj accepted his promise. She knew he would keep it somehow. /My life is a lot less normal,/ Asajj warned. She hesitated, then lay her head against Obi-Wan's shoulder and dropped her mental shields. Obi-Wan saw Asajj apprenticed to Ky. He felt her joy and hope and her eagerness for knowledge. He noted she was a good and attentive student, obedient and grateful for Ky's faith in her.  
But then it all changed when they were suddenly attacked by cruel warriors. Obi-Wan saw Ky killed and Asajj fall to the Dark Side. His heart broke and he clutched her close to him.  
"No," he'd whispered in horror, though he knew this was memory and he couldn't change anything.  
He watched as she slaughtered everyone in rage and grief, and then how she decided she no longer cared about what she'd been taught. She had Ky's lightsaber and left Rattatak, killing for money with that weapon and working at bars entertaining men. When she was about eighteen or so, he saw her in bed with a man. It was a motel. Obi-Wan felt odd looking at him because he had similar hair color to his own, green eyes like Ky, and a voice that somehow blended his tenor notes and Ky's deep ones. /He was a little over a decade older than me. Ironically, he yet remains a good memory for me, even after so much violence and disappointment. He taught me the art of lovemaking and the fun of flirtation. He was a lifelong bachelor, he said. Didn't want to be tied to any woman. So I knew he did not belong to me. But we enjoyed each other and he was good to me, as men go. One day, he stopped coming around. I heard later he'd passed away due to illness./ Obi-Wan kissed her neck, glad that she'd had one bright spot amidst all the turmoil she wandered through but sad that he'd died. /He was not Force-sensitive, but I never took advantage, as I've done with some people./ Obi-Wan understood.  
Then came Dooku's competition for an assassin and his rough training methods, until she hardened to them and learned not to cry or show pain. Instead, she was taught to get angry, to draw power from the Dark Side, to feel no sympathy. Her existing contempt for the Jedi was capitalized on, and she was sent to hunt and kill them. Obi-Wan couldn't help it. He stiffened as he saw his people beheaded, run through, Force choked to death, and all while Asajj mocked them with seductive flirtation. The men, anyway. The females weren't generally spoken to at all. /I feel it. You are angry. I knew I shouldn't have shown this./  
Obi-Wan did not deny it, but neither did he release Ventress. /My huntress,/ he whispered. /Yes, I am angry. But I haven't forsaken you./  
And then came Asajj's meeting with Obi-Wan. She smiled at his nickname. /Huntress. That works. If I call you Jedi, you need a name for me./  
She showed him her infiltration of Dooku's palace with her Nightsister allies, her hand in Savage's creation, the Nightsister massacre, her rescuing Pluma, tricking Maul and Savage to hunt for her using a touch of illusion, and how she'd favored Tatooine as a place to hide. And the images stopped.  
/Savage was a scourge on the Jedi and the galaxy, but Anakin makes him look like a mere nuisance. Given that Anakin's my failure…/  
Asajj growled audibly. /No. He betrayed you. Savage was made by Talzin and I. Chosen by me as the strongest of the Nightbrothers and turned Dark by Talzin's magic. But you intended Skywalker to be good; we intended Savage to be a killer./  
/I suppose it doesn't really matter. Both of them turned out badly. And my feelings about you haven't changed, either. I see a woman who fell because she was young and did not have the steady foundation of love and security I did. She did a lot of evil; made many mistakes. But when given a chance to turn her life around, she took it and is even now trying to be a decent person. I admire you, love you, and believe in you. Who you are now is what counts, and the Light you have always carried refused to go out, no matter where you walked./  
/But I should not have fallen in the first place. You didn't, and you've had just as difficult a life./  
/So you are saying I'm a better person because I did what was easy? You have done what is difficult. You resist the call of the Dark Side. The Dark Side does not call to me./  
/No. Falling to the Dark Side was easy. Not giving in is harder. That is what you've done your entire life./  
/It is what you're doing now, but you are different because the Dark appeals to you./  
/Obi-Wan, you have such an annoying optimism. And yet, I cherish it. I'm sorry for killing your people. I know now that even if I disliked the Jedi, they didn't deserve to die like that./  
/It was in service to Dooku, and it is not my place to forgive that. Still, you could have been much crueler to them. It was war and we were soldiers. I can let it go on those grounds, but again, I do not speak for the fallen./  
/I accept this. How do we come together, though? I think our minds are still separate./  
Obi-Wan grinned. /Love or war. Your choice./  
Asajj jumped up and drew a lightsaber, waving it at him teasingly. "Catch me if you can," she crooned as she bounded away.  
"So the huntress has become prey?" Obi-Wan queried, chasing Asajj out into the open and igniting his lightsaber.  
"Not unless I'm caught," Asajj countered, "But the Jedi may become the hunted."  
"As long as you promise not to kill me."  
Asajj froze and Obi-Wan attacked, jumping and kicking Asajj to the ground. But she was up again quickly, deflecting his attempted strike toward her midsection. She disengaged and ran ahead, Obi-Wan following close behind, until they came to their training and sparring grounds. It was just a flat, open area with some boulders and ledges to use to advantage. Obi-Wan jumped to a ledge and Asajj jumped to one across from him. They stared at each other, calculating, before they leapt simultaneously and somersaulted over each other and onto the other's platform. Then, Obi-Wan began some advanced Jedi saber exercises and Asajj found she could anticipate his movements and follow along. It got to a point where she moved in sync with him without having to consciously think about it. Faster and faster they leapt and twirled their blades until, at last, their minds were so attuned it became one. Obi-Wan jumped to the ground, deactivating his blade, and knowing what he wanted, Asajj did the same and allowed herself to be caught. Their kisses were ardent, caresses urgent. And Asajj knew without a doubt that she was loved without reservation or recrimination. Obi-Wan felt something primal waken in him, something no other woman had ever quite managed to touch. He wanted Asajj with a raw hunger, needed her love so completely, and Asajj had taught him this was desirable and good rather than dark and dangerous.  
"Wait, darling," Obi-Wan pleaded.  
Asajj stopped.  
"Let's go home. I want…want to go slowly."  
"We can do that," she whispered huskily.  
They walked hand in hand and wasted no time divesting themselves of clothing and falling into bed. But this time, it was not lust or trust, not the physical or the mental, but the purity of love that was given and received. Unfettered by insecurity and the need to win, the Jedi and the huntress finally surrendered. Together.


End file.
